I’ve been an all-boy mom now for over 14 years and now that my youngest son is going on 6 years old, it is very clear to me and should be pretty clear to those who know me, that 4 kids was and is my limit! Done! Enough is enough. Baby factory is closed.
But here’s the thing. Because all of my kids happen to be the same gender, (4 boys!) and that gender is different than MY gender, people just can’t wrap their head around the idea that I am completely content being a forever “boymom” and that I’m not planning on having more kids.
I could write a book about some of the
inconsiderate , rude, silly things people have said to me regarding my family. Maybe I WILL get around to writing that book someday when my days are no longer spent sniffing out strange smells in bedrooms and cleaning urine off the bathroom ceiling. (kidding…kind of).
But for now, here are some things that us moms of all boys want you to know.
- We’re okay! No really. We are better than okay.
We love life with our little mud-makers. People assume that we spend our days pining for the daughter we never had, but seriously, we’re good! There may have been some initial sadness when we realized we wouldn’t have a daughter (and that’s not even true for all boy-mamas) and at times that sadness may creep back in (and that’s okay and normal too), but life with boys is beautiful. Beautiful… and messy…and loud…and really exhausting. But we wouldn’t change it for the world!
- No, we’re not sorry and you shouldn’t be either.
I can’t tell you how many people have seen me out with my family and shaken their head and uttered the words, “I’m sorry.” Really? Sorry for what? That I have 4 healthy, cool kids that make me laugh and tell me I’m pretty and that they love me every.single.day? Those boys spoil me with compliments and hugs that I don’t always deserve. So, yes I’m raising boys, and NO I’m not sorry. Don’t offer moms of boys condolences based on the fact that their children exist, please. It’s just not cool.
- Boys love their mamas with an intensity that can’t be described. Instead of being sorry, you should be jealous. 😉 I get more hugs and “I love you’s” in one day than most people get in a lifetime. I’m that lucky!
- Don’t tell us “A son is a son ’til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life.” You might get punched in the nose. You’ve been warned. Who came up with that saying anyways?
- Please stop asking if we are going to “try” for a girl. 1. It’s none of your business. 2. Even if we wanted another baby, last time I checked there’s still a 50/50 chance of getting a boy or girl and with my track record, the odds of having a girl are not in my favor.
- And once you find out a mom of all boys is pregnant, don’t say that you will pray that it’s a girl. The sex of the baby is already decided! Pray for a healthy baby and pregnancy because those are the things that matter most.
- Stop making assumptions about our boys. No two children are alike. And no two boys are alike.
- If you find out you are pregnant with a girl, you can tell us! We will be happy for you! Every baby is a blessing.
- We are exhausted. I know some people hate the saying, “Boys will be boys”, and with good reason (it should never be used to excuse inappropriate behavior), but when it comes to boys and their inherent nature to be rowdy and busy, Boys WILL be boys! They are busy and exhausting and have SO MUCH ENERGY! And we are exhausted. If you see our eyes glaze over during a conversation or we nod off during church, just know there’s a good chance that we haven’t had a break in days!
- We’re doing our best! Our boys didn’t come with an instruction manual. We see your looks when our boys are acting “boyish”, you know, tackling each other or trying to “fly”. Take a deep breath. I promise, we know when they are starting to take things too far and we’ll reel them back in as necessary. Some of us didn’t grow up with many boys around. We’re learning on-the-job. So although our boys may be rowdy at times, we’re doing our best to teach them to be kind, compassionate and well-behaved. Some days we thrive and somedays we fail. But we’re doing our best!
But most importantly, know that we’ve got this. Our boy-mama tribe is strong. We support each other. We just “get” each other and are there to see each mama succeed.
So next time you see a mom of all boys out with her family, just give a smile and instead of feeling sorry, think about just how lucky that mom truly is.
If you’re looking for a boy-mama tribe, come join our supportive community for moms of boys.
And get our free ebook with Tips and Tricks for Raising Boys. It can help you tackle some of the “situations” that arise while raising your little men.
Hi, I am mom of 3 boys and I recognize everything you write. Except for point 9. I don’t think you are exhausted because you have 4 boys, it is just because you have 4 children. It can sometimes be hard to be a mom 😉
I have three boys, and I am pregnant with my fourth child. We’ve always waited to be surprised at birth rather than find out the gender early. My husband and I are keeping the knowledge of this pregnancy to ourselves as long as possible because I know that every. single. person we tell will instantly say, “I hope it’s a girl!” I know I’m my hormonal state, I might just say something snippy in return, as if the girl wisher believes what I currently have isn’t adequate or joy-filling. With all my pregnancies, I’ve never wanted a boy more than I do now! I LOVE being the mom of all boys, and I don’t want to be kicked out of the club! I’ve always thought it was silly when parents preferred to have one gender over another, but here I am…….really wanting a boy! I’m tempted to find out the gender this go ‘round just so that I can put an end to the “I hope it’s a girl” wishes. I’m afraid if I found out now that the baby is a girl, I might be disappointed. If I wait until birth, however, I will have a beautiful baby to snuggle and love, and it won’t matter at all whether it’s a boy or a girl! Right now, I’m gonna keep hoping for a boy, though! ?
Alta Johnson says
Even though I also have a beautiful daughter, I have a very special relationship with my precious, rowdy, loud, intense, smelly, adoring son, and don’t want to imagine life without him. We can’t have more children, but I’m so happy for you with your special gang. You are right that each child is a blessing, and I will add: chosen and fashioned and sent by God who gives us strength for this exhausting journey. Thanks for writing.
P L L says
Love this! Momma of 3 boys here. Still trying to filter the poop, butt and fart jokes a little more but wouldn’t trade them even one day for barbie dolls!
Katy Muster says
Mom of 4 boys here! 8, 4 and twin 1 year olds. I love being a boy mom. They love me so much and love to snuggle. I think it is a privilege to be raising future young men on how to respect women and be brave to stand up for what is right. I wouldn’t trade being a boy mom for the world.
As a mom of 4 boys only – I can completely relate with every word written here! Love my guys ( now 22years old to 11 years old.) They are fantastic. Yes, I have nieces that I may spoil a bit with “girlie” activities – but isn’t that the joy of being an aunt?! Wouldn’t trade my “mighty men of valor” for anything. Love having my wonderful sons, their antics, their hugs, and their messes!
Claire Ross says
Hi I just like to say I totally agree with everything you write in this post, I know cos I’m a mum of 6 boys!! It gets so frustrating when I have been pregnant when people ask if it’s a girl, or didn’t you want a girl like you get to have a choice when you get pregnant. I’m so happy with my boys and wouldn’t change them for the world.
This is by far the best list that I can relate to as a four boy mom. I’m fascinated by birth order and do enjoy seeing if my first, last, middles, act in comparison to their counterparts in other three/four boy families, so that’s the only one we differed on. ????
Stephanie, One Caring Mom says
Hahaha!!!! Yes…it’s definitely a possibility that one could be punched in the nose for telling me my son won’t be mine after he marries. I hate that! And I couldn’t agree more that they love their moms fiercely. And why do people assume I have to have a girl and feel the need to ask when we’re going to try for one. My family is complete, thank you very much!
But in all honesty, I absolutely love every single one of these.Thank you for sharing these with other mom boys!