The day finally came and I wasn’t ready. My oldest “graduated” from 5th Grade and will be moved on to Middle School. Middle school! Those awkward, confusing, trying-to-find-out-who-I-am years of Middle School. I remember those years too vividly and it was not all good. So as my son started this new chapter in his life and I learned to navigate my new role as a middle-school mom, here are 15 Things I Wanted My Son To Know Before Starting Middle School.
1. Don’t Be Afraid to Fail
Everyone who ever accomplished something great, most likely failed several times along the way. Failure can be hard and painful, but don’t stay in that bad place too long. Take time to be sad, learn from your mistakes, but then dust yourself off and try again. The next great thing is most likely already on the horizon.
2. Be Yourself
Middle school is a time when people will try to make you be someone that you’re not. You might feel like you have to change to “fit in” or be popular. Always be yourself. Your true friends will like you for who you are and you will be more confident when you are living an authentic life than if you are trying to change to impress people who will not matter in the long run anyways.
3. Don’t Over-Share Your Life
You live in a world where social media is life. We didn’t have that when I was your age. Don’t feel like you have to share every aspect of your life online. Some things should stay private.
4. You Don’t Have to “Friend” Everyone on Social Media
Just because someone sends you a friend request, doesn’t mean you have to or should accept it. If you don’t know that person or want that person to know about your life, don’t accept it. And feel free to unfriend/block someone at anytime and for any reason.
5. It’s Okay to Be Different
You don’t have to be the same as everyone else in order to be important. It’s okay to be different. In fact it’s good to be different. Stand up for what you believe, even if you have to stand alone. Don’t give into the pressure to do things that you are not okay with.
6. Friends Will Come and Go and That’s Okay
The friends that you had in elementary school, might not be the same friends you have in Middle School and that’s okay. People change. I promise you will find lasting friendships in the most unexpected ways and with the most unexpected people.
7. Grades are Important but Not Everything
Never base your worth on your report card. Just as good grades don’t make someone a better person, bad grades don’t make them a bad person. Always try your best and work hard and that’s what matters most.
8.You Don’t Have to Be Popular
I promise you that popularity in Middle School will mean absolutely nothing down the road in a few years. And from my experience, ‘popular’ people can be some of the cruelest, meanest kids out there. If you are popular, be kind. If you are not popular, be kind and find friends who treat each other with respect. You don’t have to hang out with jerks.
9. Talk to Us
I know that mom and dad might be the last people you want to talk to when you are going through difficult things at school, but we are always here for you. And if you don’t want to talk to us, please talk to a family member that you trust. We will always have your back. And yes, this includes talking to us about girls. I know you might not want to but you are entering some of the most confusing years of your life. Even though it’s hard to believe, we have been there before.
10. Perfect Doesn’t Exist
You’re going to mess up. There will be times when you fail and times when you wish you could take back something that was said or done. Don’t beat yourself up. Perfect people don’t exist. We all mess up. We all struggle. We all fail. When you make a mistake, admit it and do what you can to make it right and then learn from it and move on. There are lessons to be learned from every experience we have in life.
11. Be Patient with Mom and Dad
You are our first kid in Middle School and your dad and I don’t really know what to expect. We’re learning right along with you. To be honest, we will most likely embarrass you on a regular basis. But, our parents embarrassed us and we turned out okay, right?
12. You Can Use Us As an Excuse Anytime
If you are ever faced with a decision or situation that makes you uncomfortable and you don’t know how to react, use me or your dad as an excuse to get out of it. “My mom won’t let me go.”, “My dad texted and I have to be home in 5 minutes.” etc, etc. Those aren’t the best suggestions but I’m sure you get the point. You can make us sound as awful and un-cool as you need to. 🙂
13. Stay Away From Drugs/Smoking/Addictions
I know you’ve had the D.A.R.E program and you know all you think you will ever need to know about drugs, but the fact is, you’ve never been faced with the decision of whether or not to take them. You’ve never been in a situation where you had to say no. It might not be as easy as it sounds. Make the decision now to stay away from addictive substances, not only because they are bad for your body, but because they won’t fix whatever problem you are hoping they will fix. They will numb you for awhile but the problems will still be there. Let’s talk through things and find ways to work things out without drugs. Drugs ruin lives. period.
14. Be Confident and Realize Just How Amazing You Are
You are an amazing kid and I hope you can see that. Be confident in who you are. Speak up. Look people in the eye. Know that your opinions matter. Be respectful of others but also of yourself. Don’t put yourself down. The world will do enough of that for you. Surround yourself with the types of people who will build you up. There is no room in life for those who only want to bring you down.
15. Middle School is Hard
You and everyone around you will be trying to figure out who you are. You’re not a little kid anymore, but far from an adult. You have more independence in Middle School and sometimes that makes life tricky. You’ll be faced with situations that are new and you might not know what to do. Remember #9 and talk to us. You don’t have to go through things alone. And when things are hard, remember they will get better.
So have fun, make friends, and do your best. You’ve got this!
Starting Middle school will be a time of adjustment but also a time where your son has a lot of fun. You may cry as you send them off to their first day, so prepare yourself for that, but you’ll also be so proud of your son and excited to be a part of his journey. So have fun, make friends, and do your best. You’ve got this!
You Might Also Like:
- Yes I’m Raising Boys, and No I’m Not Sorry
- What Moms of Boys Know
- A Letter to my Sons on the First Day of School
This should really say child and not son. It is is an amazing list that isn’t boy-centric at all. Parents of girls should read it too! 🙂
Yes, parents of girls can relate as well, but I only have sons, so I write about my sons and the things I hope I am teaching them. 🙂
My favorite point is “Use Mom and Dad as an excuse any time”.
Thanks for a great article during a very stressful time for mom and dad.
I’m so glad it was helpful. It is a hard time for mom, dad and the child who is trying to figure out who they are and how they fit into the world.
One thing I feel is missing is bringing up sex/ sexual acts/jokes with sexual innuendos. It’s happening in middle schools and I believe we need to prepare them.
Definitely! I can’t believe that we have to address these things at such a young age, but we really do. Middle school is such a confusing time for kids where they are exposed to a lot of things they have never heard of. I want to make sure that my boys know to come to us with their questions and prepare them for some of the situations they will be dealing with.
When I was in school we went to one school for Jk to grade 6, another for 7&8 and another for high school. Being in a school with 7 and 8’s only was great. The same town now has 7 and 8’s in the high school. Don’t like that at all.
Thank you, Kara! These are all great truths! When my older one, who struggles behaviorally, is really good, I tell him he was “perfect” – I’m not doing that again. He’s only 5 now, and he shouldn’t have to have that pressure and carry it with him into teen years. I wasn’t really thinking about the connotations of the word… but you got me thinking! It’s scary how parents now have to teach children how to rise above the shame and stress of social media. I’m glad your boys are older than mine – you’ve got great ideas on this site! Mine are 5, 3, and 1 now.
I still feel like I am taking things one day at a time with my older boys. Sometimes I wish we could reverse time and that tantrums were the worst of our worries. 🙂 It is fun having older boys but I don’t know if I’ll ever stop worrying about them.
Thank you for sharing this. I have a boy and a girl going to middle school in the fall. I’d call this article a must read, must hare one… 🙂 Regarding our last comment “…but I don’t know if I’ll ever stop worrying about them”…maybe, one day, but for sure you will never stop loving them!
I love this! Thanks so much for your comment. You definitely never stop loving them, even through the hard and emotional teenage years. And, the worried I’m afraid get bigger. But I’m so proud of the young men my boys are growing into.
Geez, I meant “share” not “hare”… and “your”, not “our”…must proofread…LOL!
Thank you, my eleven year old will leave a charter school this year for a
7th/8th grade public school campus as a 7th grader. She has attended the charter school since Kinder. Mommy is prepping for this and driving my self crazy.
It is so hard. Just be there to love and support her through the emotions and hard moments. It is such a hard time of life for these kids!