My baby started Kindergarten. I’m not sure how that is possible since he was born last week, but as I watched him get on the school bus, I realized it was really happening.
That first day was quiet. Too quiet. And then it hit me. Everything he experiences for the first time, will be a last for our family. The last first tooth lost. The last first day of Kindergarten. The last first day of swim lessons.
The last of the firsts.
I never thought I would be the type of mom who tells other moms not to blink or who tells the exhausted, first-time mom that it will go by SO fast, but here I am at the end of babyhood realizing that the years went by in an instant.
I sleep through the night just fine now. I never realized that I would miss those quiet middle-of-the-night moments of rocking my babies back to sleep. Those moments when it felt as though we were the only two people on earth.
Now, as we walk to the bus stop and he holds my hand, I wonder each day if it will be the last time that he reaches for me. The last time that he finds security with his little hand in mine.
Each night I wonder if he will still climb in my lap and ask for a story and a lullaby. I know there will be a day when he is too big. When the stories and lullabies stop.
I used to rock his brothers too and I don’t recall the day when they stopped asking. One day they just did. But there was always another baby to fill that spot on my lap.
But I know the day is coming when the rocking chair will only hold memories.
He’s getting to be so independent. I’ve loved watching him grow into my spunky, witty, curly-haired big boy.
Part of me knows that I should be excited to watch him grow up. To let him experience life as a “big-kid”. But the other part of me wants to wrap him up and never let him get older. Never let him outgrow my lap.
Since I can’t make time stand still, I’m going to try even harder to relish in his boyhood, to smile at his innocent mischief, to hold his hand as long as he will let me and to rock him a little longer at bedtime. I’ll try even harder to cherish the last of the firsts.
My baby started kindergarten and took a piece of my heart with him.
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